Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just puked most of my soul out..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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