Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
