Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
