already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
