You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
