I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
