Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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