There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
