This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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