she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
