Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
