Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
