if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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