went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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