His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
