I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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