For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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