Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
