She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
