just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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