i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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