My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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