yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
