I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
