Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
