help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
