he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
