Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
