hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
