i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
