i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
