Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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