Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
