and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
