peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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