What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
