afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
