Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
