I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
