if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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