your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
