you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize