Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
