I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That was an excessively violent trivia night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
