My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
