I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
