doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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