I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
