yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My bed smells like the plague
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
