no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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