that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize