This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
