Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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