Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
