peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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