idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
