He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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