I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
