i think my tv is drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
