dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
