I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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