she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
pray to the hookup gods
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
