hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
