Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
