Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
