I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
