I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
